Sunday, May 30, 2010

Supermodel Cakes

I have come to a conclusion: decorative cakes are like supermodels.
I decided I should start practicing birthday cakes. (Dan doesn't like it when I try new recipes on other people because I get frustrated when they don't turn out perfectly.) So I looked up instructions on-line and picked a simple-looking monkey cake.
I got all the decorative do-dads and was really excited about it. I followed the directions and tried not to be too disheartened with the outcome. It was ugly. I mean UGLY. The sides crumbled, the colored frosting mixed, it was disastrous.
That's when I came to my conclusion: decorative cakes (at least those with "simple" instructions) are as airbrushed as supermodels. They are made up of unnatural things (paint and styrofoam, I'm sure), and are airbrushed into perfection just like supermodels.
I am disgusted at this new societal low. But it is what it is. And I'm certain it has nothing to do with my ability (or lack thereof) as a cake decorator.

Friday, May 14, 2010

How the Mighty Have Fallen

I used to think of myself as an intelligent person. I could participate in conversations about any number of things: politics, art, books, travel, history.

And then I had a child, and all that changed...

The most frequent concern in my life is now poo. Thoughts about The Babe's poo now run through my head like good music used to. I make exclamations such as "Poo!" and "Toots!" which effectively lower my maturity level each time. I find it amazing (and appalling) how many things I can worry about that concern poo. Here are some of the most frequent:

1) Is she pooing right now?

2) When was the last time she pooed?

3) She's pooing too much.

4) She's not pooing enough.

5) Her poo is a weird color...I know I did not feed her that color.

6) Her poo is the wrong consistency...deer poo? clay?

7) Is she going to poo during church while they're passing the Sacrament?

8) Has she pooed on this outfit? Or can she wear it?

9) Will she poo if I give her a bath right now?

10) Is she done pooing?

11) Is poo the reason she's crying?

12) Was what I just heard regular poo or a poo-splosion?

13) Is what I'm eating making her gassy?

14) Is what she's eating making her gassy?

The list goes on and on. I feel that this is a little on the side of ridiculous. I'm an educated person. But my life and thoughts revolve around poo.